How To Catch A Loli~


Published 21.05.2019 в 06:00 | Guide rating: 48



Step 1

The first thing you need to do is slather yourself in jelly.
Lolis love jelly.
Now, while coated in jelly, traverse to the anime realm.
To get to this realm, you have to sacrifice a significant amount of chromosmes, 7 to be exact.
Because of this high chromosomal count, you must only visit once, or your chromosome bank will become depleted very rapidly.
Once in the realm, after taking a ride from Oinkers the magical Desu pig, you shall find yourself in the anime realm.
Continue on to step 2, if any problems occur, call Dominoes pizza and order a Cheese Pizza.
Cinque Terre

Step 2

Now that you're in the anime realm, it's time to locate Loli village.
This is where the jelly comes in.
You see, the jelly should have sept into your pours, allowing you to get a sense of where the village is.
Follow this feeling until you reach the gate of all Desu.
A kawaii anime loli will now test you.
She will lay in front of you, in an EXTREMELY kawaii position.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CATCH HER IN YOUR BOX.
The reason for this, is that she's actually a Jihad Loli, and will blow up upon contact with box.
It is simply a test of your devotion to the Loli kind.
You must yell "MOE KAWAII, YOU ARE NOE MOE KAWAII!" to make her dissapear.
The gates will now open.
On to step 3.
Cinque Terre

Step 3

Now you have reached the Loli village.
Take your time surveying the area, and pick a Loli suitable to your needs.
Now, when you have found the special animu princess, wait until dusk.
When all the Lolis go to sleep in their kawaii desu sleeping huts, ITS YOUR TIME TO STRIKE! Pounce upon them, throwing pocky in their mouth, keeping them subdued.
Throw your box over her, flip it, and seal it with your Quickly pick it up and bolt.
On to step 4, the hardest and final step.
Cinque Terre

Step 4

This is the hardest step.
As now to get home, you must summon the Loli queen herself, Sasuke Uchiha.
To summon her, simply yell "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" until you can feel all of the normies leaving your body.
Once done, she shall appear in all her holiness.
To get home to our realm, you must appease her.
To do so, sing to her "Pomf Pomf," and she shall reply, "Kimochi, what's this sticky stuff on me.
" Heres the challenging part.
You must close your eyes until you hear the music stop, but until then, Lolis will crawl from all over onto you, begging for the onii-chan.
You must resist your urge, or else you will die then and there.
Once the music stops and you open your eyes, you will be back in our realm, with your very own Loli in a box.

Grats!

You have properly caught your Loli.
You should feel proud, as now you can be with your significant Kawaii-ther forever.
Have fun with her, and remember, no means yes, and yes means now.
Cinque Terre